Player One Podcast

Check it out! An actual Player One blog post! An actual sorta-reason to come to our main page! Maybe now we won’t feel all guilty for asking people to go here during our show outro.

I was looking through some old backup CDs from my Ziff Davis days earlier this evening, and I found all sorts of crazy pictures/poorly-Photoshopped images that we used to amuse ourselves back on Expert Gamer and GameNOW. Many of them are extremely in-jokey, “you had to be there” kinda deals, but I figured that “outsiders” would appreciate this one.

There is a bit of a story behind it, though. Back in late 2001, there was a contest to design the movie poster for the then-upcoming Resident Evil film. Mike Vallas, one of the head art guys at Ziff, was a huge RE fan, and he jumped at the chance to design the poster. You might remember Vallas as the guy who told the show-stopping anecdote at the end of our Andy Baran tribute episode (#145).

Contestants were given access to all sorts of artwork, including logos and various poses of the movie’s stars. Most of the pictures were the standard stuff that you might expect…Milla Jovovich brandishing large guns, random zombies…that sorta thing. Among all the images, however, was one picture that really stood out. Instead of a grim-faced shot of Milla or Michelle Rodriguez in some sort of “action movie” pose, it was a close-up of Milla with a delightful grin on her face. It looked remarkably out of place–definitely not an image that would sell a zombie movie.

We all had a good laugh at the picture, and joked about how we should make a poster using that image to enter into the contest. Not one to let a good joke die, Vallas actually went ahead and did so after whipping up a trio of fantastic (and serious) posters for his own entry. This is what he came up with:

We were all extremely pleased with the results. At the risk of unintentionally taking any credit for this, I didn’t create any of it. The design and the tag line were all Vallas. Because Vallas wanted to enter his “real” entries (or maybe just one of them…I can’t remember if there was a limit to the number of entries one could submit), the idea was for me to enter the joke poster. Unfortunately, my laziness (and probably some hectic magazine deadlines) caused me to miss the entry date.

It’s a shame, really. For all I know, the movie producers would have loved the idea. They might have completely reworked the film to fit the poster’s aesthetic. Maybe that movie would have actually ended up being good (ho-ho!).

Bonus Trivia!: Unfortunately, Vallas didn’t win the contest. Strangely enough, however, the winner was another videogame magazine editor: Nick “Nick Rox” Des Barres, of GameFan and Play fame. I don’t recall the exact details of the contest, but Nick’s poster didn’t end up as the one used in theaters/on the DVD case (at least, not that I’ve ever seen). If memory serves, this is Nick’s winning poster.

Phil Theobald Video Games, Ziff-Davis Expert Gamer, GameNOW, Milla Jovovich, movie, poster, Resident Evil, Ziff-Davis, zombies

CJ tells me that we’ve been getting an awful lot of angry voice mails this week in regards to my discussion about Ratchet & Clank: A Crack in Time during the What Ya Been Playing segment in episode 160.

While talking about the game, I mention that I recently finished it (which I totally did). I then proceed to “ruin” the game for the other guys by giving away the “spoiler” that Clank sacrifices his life in order to save Ratchet, thus providing the final, tragic end to the Ratchet & Clank series.

This offending remark occurs at about the 1:00:35 mark, and boy howdy did some people get steamed. Apparently these folks turned off the episode in a huff before they heard me reveal that I was kidding about the whole thing a few seconds later (~1:00:52).

No, people, I’m not going to blurt out the ending for a new game without some sort of warning. I’m not that big of a jerk.

So there you go, everyone. You can stop writing those strongly-worded e-mails and leaving those angry voice mail messages. Of course, if you’re leaving the voice mails by using the fantastic one-touch voice mail technology made possible with the official Player One Podcast iPhone App (buy it today!), then feel free to call and be as pissy as you’d like.

In short–It was a joke, people! I said as much! Clank doesn’t die at the end of Crack in Time!

…OR DOES HE?!?!?

Phil Theobald Video Games Clank, Crack in Time, PS3, Ratchet, spoilers

Got three games recently that’ve come in Microsoft’s new Wagon Wheel 360 keepcases – DJ Hero, LEGO Rock Band and now Modern Warfare 2. And it got me thinking about packaging. Basically how at least on Microsoft’s side it’s done nothing but deteriorate over the years. Multi-disc games on one spindle, now we get a keepcase with gaping holes making the whole thing feel less solid or protective. I can appreciate so-called “Green” packaging. But I think the Wagon Wheel keepcases just feel cheap.

And of course on the publisher side you get a game like Modern Warfare 2 which is an assured hit/million-seller/what-have-you and the manual is six pages, black & white, with just two images….one a stock photo of the 360 controller and the other a crude wireframe of the in-game HUD. Thank you for providing me the absolute minimum experience for my $60. I understand that no one reads manuals anymore and what have you but MW2 is a game in a million-selling franchise. I’ll have to check but I think Oneechanbara, one of the worst 360 games I own, got a better manual that this.

What the hell man?

Am I alone in my dislike for the Wagon Wheel? And could the impetus for the new packaging actually be to be “environmentally conscious” or is it just cheapening out?

And while I was surprised at the black and white manual for MW2, I was also shocked that Activision hadn’t sold ad space on every corner of the manual as they do in some of their games. Anyway…thoughts? Just me?

We’re also discussing this in the forum…

Chris Johnston Video Games game, Microsoft, packaging, retail, Xbox 360

Back in the mid-90s, the shooter (or “shmup.” God, I hate that word) was king. In the home gaming market, the Genesis in particular seemed to play home to most of the great shooters on the market. The Sega CD? Not so much. But there were a few of them on there. And they were pretty cool, if only for the CD perks they featured — big, sprite-animation cut scenes; redbook audio; and…well, that was usually it.

Android Assault falls pretty much squarely into the “coulda been on the Genesis” category of Sega CD games, as did most shooters on the system. And it’s not really an amazing shooter, to boot. But it’s not all that bad, either.

The story is, well, unimportant. Some sort of evil is threatening the galaxy, you’re the only hope for peace, and you go blow said evil shit up for a few levels. The key difference in Android Assault is that you’re piloting something more than your standard starfighter — your pretty ship can turn into an awesome giant robot!

It actually sounds a bit cooler than it ends up being. For, when you turn into this robot, it just sort of flies around the screen, frozen in a single pose. It’s really nothing more than an on-screen indicator that your current weapon has been upgraded to the highest level, actually. But to 90s Greg, it was still pretty neat.

Android Assault is relatively short and easy as shooters go. It does fire out a few pretty unique levels, though. The long descent to a planet surface, followed by a lengthy battle beneath that planet’s ocean is definitely not something you saw every day back then. And the bosses tend to be rather large, as well, with a few of them even filling the screen.

Android Assault was published in North America by Big Fun Games. I can’t for the life of me find out anything about this company — not even if they published anything else here.

The developer, however, is one I’m sure a few folks have heard of. Human Entertainment is likely better known in most circles as the house behind the FirePro Wrestling series, along with the Clock Tower games that enjoyed a bit of success on the PlayStation. It also spat out a few Formula 1 games over the years. They folded in 1999, and this was their only Sega CD title.

There is a more contemporary connection, though. Human Entertainment was the first development house to employ Goichi Suda — aka Suda51, of No More Heroes and Killer7 fame.

See? The Sega CD is the system that just keeps on giving and giving.

Next Up: The Animals!

Greg Sewart Big Fun Games, Human Entertainment, Killer7, No More Heroes, Sega CD, Suda51, Video Games

Tonight I’ve been thinking about video game commercials. First off, there’s a thread on our messageboard where people are listing their favorite TV spots. And I highly recommend you check that out for a fun trip down memory lane (plus some great Japanese commercials too). But I also got to see the 30-second spot for Brutal Legend (which, btw, launched tomorrow…the same day as Uncharted 2). After watching it, I’m not sure what to think. Here–take a look:

Ya know what, I’m not sure what I expected…but it was not that. For a game that’s got such a great sense of humor, this ad is just…bland. It’s so plain. Excruciatingly so. No voice clips from the game, barely any violence, no blood, none of the inventive writing from the game, none of the licensed music from known bands, none of the metal personalities that make appearances in the game, and it has no Jack Black (well, except for the “Hell Yeah” quote). They bleep out a word that rhymes with “rock” but it doesn’t seem to make sense there (and in the TV version I saw it replaced that with “axe”). So what the heck happened here? What do you think of the ad? Did Activision or Bobby Kotick somehow buy the ad agency that produced this to intentionally sink it?

I’m not the only one that thinks it fails. Sorry Doublefine/Tim. :’(

And now, a funny video game commercial for a game that is not a comedy (unless you count the comedy of errors that the series has become in the years since this)…

Chris Johnston Video Games advertising, brutal legend, commercial

Despite the ribbing I got in the last episode about buying/not buying a PSPgo, I walked out of the local Best Buy (yes, the horribly crappy one that never gets anything on release day) with the system. I cashed in enough Reward Zone certificates to bring the price—along with the Black Tie Protection Plan just in case of a RRoD situation—to about $140. For the record, it was a couple years’ worth of Reward Zone certificates. I’d been building them up and the PSPgo seemed like a good opportunity to cash them in.

True to form, this Best Buy location had only two accessories: the PSPgo earbuds and a case. They didn’t have the dock or component video cables so I walked out with just the system. I thought the box would be larger than it was but I guess it doesn’t come with any of the accoutrements that launch systems sometimes do. No soft case, no wrist strap, no nuthin’. Ah the salad days of the original PSP launch.

I charged up the system while I was at work, and when it was finished turned it on. I expected the system to at least come pre-loaded with Rock Band Unplugged Lite Edition but no dice (that’s a code you have to redeem from the PSN store). The Go comes with just an interactive ESRB ratings guide and a Patapon 2 demo. That’s it. Considering the age of the PSP and the number of demos and breadth of free content available for it, that’s a bit of a disappointment. Another early disappointment came when the system powered on when I slid the screen up even when the power switch was in the Hold position. Luckily when I got home and finished performing a firmware update (yes, there’s already an update available) that went away.

My first two purchases on the new system were UmJammer Lammy PS1 (I only have the Japanese PS1 version and no longer have a Japanese PS1 to play it on) and Pixeljunk Monsters Deluxe. These two look amazing on the PSPgo’s exceedingly vibrant screen. While the screen is slightly smaller than that of the previous PSP models, it is easily the best looking. Lammy never looked better and makes me a bit sad that that detour in the PaRappa series never got a sequel. Pixeljunk Monsters is exactly as advertised—it’s a portable version of the PS3 game with extra content and online multiplayer. I was very happy to see that it supports Infrastructure play over the Internet. Co-op! Not many PSP games do these days. I’m lookin’ at your Phantasy Star Portable.

Rock Band Unplugged Lite is…well, it’s hardly worth it. It comes with five songs and that’s not enough to play through Career Mode and is barely enough to mess around with in Quick Play. It’s a fun game, what with it basically being a Frequency/Amplitude clone, but I would’ve rather had the option to buy the full game digitally for $5 off than keep this gimped version.

I also picked up Motorstorm Arctic Edge and Fieldrunners, both of which are pretty excellent. More on those in this week’s podcast.

I do have a couple more quick observations:

- L/R triggers are thinner than my index finger and because they’re right up against the slid-up screen it can be hard to get a good grip on the L/R. It was especially noticeable with UmJammer Lammy and Motorstorm.
- The analog nubbin is quite nice, if more out of the way than on the regular PSP.
- I really hate that you can’t organize games into folders and that D/L’d Rock Band songs go in a file that resides in the same list as your games.
- I like the positioning on the ancillary buttons like volume, home, display, etc. They’re much easier to use by touch in a dark room than they were on the regular PSP.
- I actually have kind of a hard time turning it off without pushing the other buttons that are strewn around the top. I wish that you could—like the PS3—hold the home button and select an option to turn the system off instead of using the switch.

We’ll have more on the PSP Go in Episode 154 of the Player One Podcast.

Chris Johnston Video Games PSP, PSP go

You’ve heard us talk on the podcast about how awesome The Beatles: Rock Band is, but after spending more time with the game, I’m starting to find a few flaws.

The main problem is that it’s lacking some of the group’s best songs. I know that three full albums have already been confirmed as downloadable content, but three albums hardly covers of The Beatles’ oeuvre.

Here are some classics that I hope appear someday as DLC. I know I would pay for them.

Got a Good Thing Going

Cheese and Onions

Letter B

Hey Jude

Phil Theobald Video Games

Today is September 9, 2009, and I celebrated by rushing out early this morning to pick up The Beatles Rockband. By a strange coincidence, when I pulled a t-shirt to wear out of my closet this morning, I happened to grab my Mega Man 9 shirt. Then, while driving to Best Buy to get my game, I ended up stuck behind the number nine bus. No joke. And did I mention that I had my alarm set to wake me up at 9:00? Too freaky!

Since this is the ten year anniverary of the release of the Dreamcast, every website out there is doing some sort of SEGA/Dreamcast retrospective. You know what? That’s friggin’ boring. It’s been done a million times already, and really, how many times do we need to read that Soulcalibur was a great launch title?

So instead of more redundant Dreamcast nonsense, on this 9/9/09 I offer to you…
nine-year-old gumballs!

The other day, I found a box of toys that I used to have on my desk back when I worked at Expert Gamer/GameNOW. These goodies were from the Oakbrook era before we moved to San Francisco, so they’re pretty old. Among the random action figures and game-branded trinkets, I found a pair of pink gumballs sealed inside a plastic bag that features the logo for Kirby 64: The Crystal Shards for the N64.

I actually wrote a strategy guide for Kirby 64 for Expert Gamer (issue #75, September 2000), and these gumballs were a little promotional item that Nintendo sent along with the game. The sugary orbs sat on display in my cube for about two and a half years until they were boxed up and shipped out to California with the rest of my crap. Now, they have been unearthed once more.

The gumballs themselves have Kirby stamped on them. For all I know, these are the only two Kirby gumballs left on the planet. I figured that I had best photograph them for posterity. They’ve held up quite well considering that they’re nearly a decade old. And no, there’s no way that I’m gonna try chewing these things.

BONUS! MORE OLD CANDY!

While we’re on the subject of expired promotional candy, I would like to present these two pieces of chocolate that Nintendo sent out to the press to promote the GBA’s Hamtaro: Ham-Ham Heartbreak, which was released in 2003. It may not be quite as impressive as nine-year-old gumballs, but six-year-old chocolate isn’t too shabby. Wait a second…a 6 looks like an upside-down 9. Too freaky!!!

So yeah, as I was taking pictures of the Kirby gumballs, I remembered that I had these guys tucked away in one of the drawers in my refrigerator. I figured that it was time to bust them open and photograph the little buggers.

There’s not a whole lot to say about these pieces of hamster-themed candy. There are two packages: one for the angelic Harmony and one for the devilish Spat. I’ve not played Ham-Ham Heartbreak, so I can only assume that in the game, the two make some sort of Good vs. Evil play for Hamtaro’s soul. The candy itself features raised images of the two characters, and they’re darned cute.

No, I won’t be eating these, either.

Phil Theobald Food, Video Games 9/9/09, Candy, Chocolate, Food, GBA, Gum, Hamtaro, kirby, N64, nintendo

Many apologies for how long it’s taken to release another installment of my impossibly poorly conceived look at the Sega CD’s library. But read on, and you’ll understand why this latest post is so delayed.

The Sega CD brought a lot of promise with it. Not only did it open up the possibility of full-motion video playback in our games (the future!), real voice acting, and the much-celebrated hardware scaling and rotation that was already featured in the SNES — fairly early on us console gamers were promised that we would finally get to experience a lot of those great adventure games that had, up until that point, lived solely on the personal computer.

Understand, this was a pretty big deal to me. We didn’t have a computer in my house while I was growing up. And while I got to experience a lot of the Sierra games on my friend’s crappy, amber monochrome monitor from time to time, all that really did was make me pine for a chance to play more of these types of games.

Willy Beamish was one of the first PC ports to hit the Sega CD. It’s the story of a young, Bart Simpson-esque citizen of Frumpton whose summer vacation is spent pursuing childish activities like frog jumping contests and practicing for a big video game competition. In the meantime, he fights vampire babysitters, tricks bullies out of beating him senseless, and takes down a criminal conspiracy by the owner of the Toot Sweet corporation. Just another lazy summer.

My nostalgia-fueled memories of playing through Willy Beamish back in the day convinced me that this was a wonderful game. It features colourful graphics, large characters, genuinely funny situations, and every bit of dialogue and narration is voiced. That was a pretty huge deal back in the day.

And as I readied to play the game again, I couldn’t for the life of me remember why I never finished the damn thing.

Now I do.

The Adventures of Willy Beamish on the Sega CD should be great, but it’s actually excruciating. The problem lies in all that great voice acting and high quality sound effects — every time a new sound or bit of dialoque plays, the entire game freezes for a few seconds while the system loads in the right file. It absolutely destroys the pacing of the game, not to mention extends the play time in the worst way possible.

During this playthrough, I got very close to the end before I just couldn’t take it anymore.

Thus far my trip down memory lane has been a bit of a bust. But hey, the Sega CD is still the greatest system ever made.

Greg Sewart Sega CD, Video Games Willy Beamish

On June 25, 2009, Michael Jackson’s death caused this fairly common Genesis game to skyrocket in value. A game that could previously be found for a couple bucks was now selling for hundreds of dollars. Even so, it was pretty clear that this would have to be our next Game Club title.

As of now, Michael Jackson’s Moonwalker is only available on the Sega Genesis, Master System, or Game Gear. For our Game Club, we will be talking about the Genesis version, but if you want to comment on the other ports, please do. If you don’t have access to the Genesis cartridge, we’re sure that you will find some way to play it.

The game will be discussed in episode #142, so get playing and leave us your comments and memories of the game. As always, you can post them on this blog, in the forums, drop us an email, or leave a voicemail (713-893-8069).

YouTube Links:

Michael Jackson’s Moonwalker – Full Game (Part 1 of 3)
Michael Jackson’s Moonwalker – The Movie (Part 1)

Phil Theobald Episodes, Game Club, Video Games game club, genesis, Michael Jackson, Moonwalker, sega